Transactional Analysis - Inner Wound

Inner Child Wounds – Why Grown-Ups Sometimes So Emotional and Cry Like Children

Ever cried over something that “shouldn’t” hurt that much — a forgotten birthday, a partner raising their voice, or a friend not texting back?

It is not because you are weak. It is often because your inner child just got triggered.

🌱 The Echoes of Childhood

Deep inside every adult is a child who once wanted to be held, heard, or protected — but wasn’t. That unmet need doesn’t simply disappear when we grow up. It gets tucked away into our nervous system, stored like emotional bookmarks, waiting for similar situations to reopen the page.

When someone ignores us, criticizes us harshly, or leaves us suddenly… We are not just reacting to them — we are reacting to the version of ourselves that once felt abandoned, belittled, or unsafe.

🧠 The Brain Remembers, Even If We Don’t

Neuroscience shows us that the amygdala — the brain’s fear centre — stores emotional memories. When a current experience feels similar to a past hurt, the brain reacts as if it is happening again. The adult “you” might logically understand the situation, but your inner child responds first: with panic, tears, anger, or withdrawal.

That is not overreacting. That is unfinished healing.

👩👦 Transactional Analysis: Who is Talking Inside Us?

According to Transactional Analysis, we have three ego states:

• The Parent (learned rules, voices of authority)

• The Adult (rational, present-thinking)

• The Child (our emotional self — playful, scared, hurt)

When we are triggered, our Child ego state often takes over. That is why a calm adult can suddenly say, “You never listen to me!” with the same intensity as a child being ignored by their parent.

In that moment, it is not your age that is reacting — it is your emotional age from that memory.

💔 A True Story, Shared With Permission:

• Client A :

“My husband said he’d be late for dinner. I ended up crying in the kitchen for an hour. It wasn’t about the food — it was about always waiting for my dad, who never came home when he said he would.”

She wasn't just reacting to the man she married — she was grieving the little girl who felt forgotten.

• Client B : 

“I got into an argument with my teenage daughter the other day. She rolled her eyes and walked away from me. And I just lost it — I screamed louder than I ever had. Later, I sat in my room crying and thinking, Why did that hurt so much? Why did I react like that?

This wasn’t just a parenting challenge. It was a triggered wound from childhood — where the adult reacted, but it was the inner child who was hurting.

• Client C :

“I told my husband I was feeling low, and he brushed it off, saying, ‘You are always so emotional, or you always think too much.’ I always smiled and changed the topic, but the moment I was alone, I broke down in tears. Not just crying — sobbing.

I couldn’t understand why it hurt so much. Then I remembered… When I was little, every time I cried, my parents would say, ‘Stop being dramatic’ or walk away. I learned that my emotions were ‘too much.’ That I was ‘too much' and I shouldn't feel this way.'

That night, it wasn’t just my husband who dismissed me — it was every time my pain had been invisible as a child. In that moment, I didn’t feel like a grown woman. I felt like I was 8 again. Sitting alone in my room. Trying to be smaller. Trying not to cry.”

🪞 Healing Isn’t About Erasing, It is About Embracing

Healing inner child wounds isn’t about blaming the past — it is about acknowledging it. It is about allowing your adult self to reparent the child within, offering what was once missing:

• Gentleness instead of shame

• Curiosity instead of judgment

• Boundaries instead of fear

You don’t need to “just get over it.” You need space, safety, and maybe someone who knows how to hold that space with you.

And that is okay. Crying like a child, sometimes that is the bravest thing an adult can do.

Written by: Serene Lee